I get knocked down...

yes, yes, i know, its a song about communism...but it was sold to the mindless masses as a drinking song, so there. and speaking of drinking...that's been my main activity lately...lots and lots of drinking...friday night, saturday night and yes, even tuesday night i managed to get myself closer and closer to personal oblivion...all because they sell beer at grocery stores. next to the ice cream. the bastards. in addition to killing my liver and my brain and my kidneys too, i am also killing my heart by getting, i kid you not, fatter. as we speak, i am investigating the slim in 6 program, the ab lounge, and aa. thats my story...i'll add a picture too!

Everyone I have ever loved...

Is married, gay, or dead...not totally true...but i have a common straight girl lament...why are all the hot boys gay? its just not fair...I love CJ, don't get me wrong, but whenever i see a pretty boy with a nice smile, good hair, and good musculature, i have to sigh sadly because i know in my heart that he's prolly gay...its a sad thing...but i've found out some pretty awful things about growing up gay down here...a friend of CJ's couldn't come out while he was in high school because they would have expelled him...i remember being outraged in my high school just because they couldn't bring their dates to prom...(ps no worries...the fag hags helped them get around that)...it;s really just not that accepted down here, which seems so unfair...my friend, X, came out to me one of my first nights here, but we can't talk about it in front of his other friends because he could lose his job and such...(one of his friends parental figure is his boss)... so this is a sucky revelation to me...i love my gays, and to see them have to be silent bothers me...

I don't know what to title this entry because I don't know what's going on...I feel like a spectator to my own life right now...I know I should be concerned about the job thing, ie not having one, but i just don't care. at all. I don't really have anything to say at all either...I feel a little blank...

right round baby...

I saw the most awful thing on the news last night. It was awful enough to have nightmares about. Some woman microwaved her baby to death. The poor defenseless 3 week old baby, that she carried in her stomach for 9 months. I'm pro choice. If you think you can't handle a baby, you have an abortion, or you contact an adoption agency. You don't microwave your child. Whomever this woman is, she's a sick bitch, and she has a lot of issues. There is help everywhere, for everyone, whether or not you can afford it. If you don't want your child, you should call social services, not kill it with a kitchen appliance...

Sometimes Love don't feel like it should...

so we are currently not really friendly in apartment 5.

i won't get into the details...but i cleaned every inch i could, while he sat on his ass not writing a paper he was supposed to be done with, made him cookies to feel better...then its bed time...

selfish bastard...fill in the blanks....

I still love wearing my old ball cap...

Yesterday I ventured into the heart of redneck country...

I went to Mississippi. And all I can say is wow.

Everyone wears camo here...everyone. we stopped at walmart to get me a toothbrush because certain people suck monkey balls and forgot, and it was looked like the army took over.

Then I met CJ's extended family. I though I was in a foreign country with their accents. I was petrified. It took me about 20 minutes just to adjust to the cadence and then I was fine, but the accent is super thick. The house was beautiful...CJ's uncle built it himself from logs he cut down himself...yes it was a log cabin, or house if you will...they caught fresh catfish in the pond in front of the house and fried it...i tried some but it was still fish, so yuck!

Then i met all the horses and goats and the donkey and the guinea hens and CJ's cute little 4 year old cousin Harrison.

All in all i had a lot of fun...i just don't know about the camo...it's so 6 years ago...

I miss home a bit..still adjusting to CJ is interesting...

I saw casino royale today also...it was freaking awesome...daniel craig is right up there with hugh jackman...





I couldn't resist that...yummmmmm

Over the train tracks and thru the university...

And to my new home we have arrived...

Traveling didn't totally suck as much as usual...my friend Kristie works at US Air, and she upgraded me to first class...so i was a wino for a little while...

The other part I was stuck next to a talkative fat man...blech...

So I'm home. I didn't sleep so well with the trains and the extra body in bed, but it's all good...

Love!

Life in plastic

It's been a strange few days. My parents have withheld making comments about my apparent bad choices, I'm happy for the first time in months. At least, I think I'm happy. I kinda forgot what that felt like, so I think sleeping normally, a returned love of onion rings, and a slight dissatisfaction with my body and its overweightness is good. I even now how to fix it, I think....
Thats right kids, the ab lounge...it seems like such a simple idea...get up in the morning, bend in strange fashions for 45 minutes, go on with my life...how hard is that? not to, not to...suggestions are welcome...

A change in diet is necessary as well once i move...tomorrow...so here's a list of badness....

-ice cream
-mudslides
-margaritas(not really ice cream but way too many calories...

-onion rings (unless i do them the healthy way, i.e. baked...)
-potatoes...except sweet potatoes
-BREAD(oh god)
-chocolate
-caramel candies...yummmmm

so now that you have read my list, and utterly don't care, i think we're good...

oh, and graham and i hung out today...i ate all the above things except the margarita...yea...

it was fun, I'm going to miss the bitch...

It's 3 am and I'm still lonely...

I guess when you can't sleep, all your little fears, insecurities and doubts come out.

I'm petrified. CJ says I'm brave, and I'm not. I'm scared that he won't love me after living with me for 2 days, I'm scared I'll die and no one will no what happened to me, I'm scared that I'm really going to lose it more so than I already have.

One of the reasons for this move is my own inability to deal with school, and being 21 and no where yet, and feeling inadequate, hating/loving my father for his own mental pitfalls.

Writing is supposed to be the best therapy. I hope so.

I need a lot of it.

LAdies and Gentleman, we have a winner

I DID IT!!!! Thats right people, my box o fun is packed...i meant my box for shipping. not the other box...that's for another time and place ;)

beyond being a piggie-pants, I also feel monumentally sneak-tastic. see, apparently, if you go to ship something, say its books, then they charge you less! so because i am a sometimes honest girl, i put some books in my box...the packing box, you jackasses!

So yay for me, yay for you and your dirty minds, and yay for some margaritas that i plan on having tonight with some work minded folks...w00t!

You spin me...

Shipping things, or at least planning to do so is a monumental pain in my ass. i managed to optimistically cut down my life contents to one box and a duffle bag, and i feel even more hopeless and insignificant. UPS is too freaking expensive, so fedex shall be my courier of clothes. i'm so paranoid it will all disappear into a big blackhole...they may not be much, buth they are still my clothes...

onto other things, i'm feeling rather out of the family circle now...after being told that i was the one who was making the rift, i made every effort to be a Good Daughter during my last week here...too bad my dad hates me now...

Graham will arrive in a few days. I promised him that i would pick his ass up from the train station, lets hope I still can...

Packing

I've managed to combine 21 years of life into 2 boxes and a huge duffle bag, and I'm in awe, and a little sad. In a philosophical sense, my life is not as big as I thought it was.

Eerie.

Ohhh, that hurt a little...

Hi everyone. Welcome to my new blog. My name is Johnna, I'm 21 yrs old, blonde, blue eyes, love to have fun, always ready for a party. And i'm a week away from moving to the land where People Don't Dance. Also known as Memphis, TN.

I'm actually excited about this whole thing, despite what all y'all might think right now. Memphis is a cool city, and Graham, the gay of my life, has already promised to visit, so what else do I have to worry about?

Anyways, read and enjoy.

Love!