I guess when you can't sleep, all your little fears, insecurities and doubts come out.
I'm petrified. CJ says I'm brave, and I'm not. I'm scared that he won't love me after living with me for 2 days, I'm scared I'll die and no one will no what happened to me, I'm scared that I'm really going to lose it more so than I already have.
One of the reasons for this move is my own inability to deal with school, and being 21 and no where yet, and feeling inadequate, hating/loving my father for his own mental pitfalls.
Writing is supposed to be the best therapy. I hope so.
I need a lot of it.
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Sweetie, Johnna, babe.
CJ's right, you're brave. You've come this far, haven't you? And you've always been able to stand by me no matter how scary things got with me. How many other people can say that? (Yeah, you can count that on one hand.)
Don't think about the other reasons that you're moving, hon. You're moving to be with the man you love. The man who has already lived with you for longer than two days when you visited each other and who still loves you anyways.
And, yeah...I can't help you with the rest. School is kicking my ass too, and you think you're nowhere? I'm go go dancing, 'member? You haven't stooped to the jobs that impoverished single parents do yet, but I have! And I'm the same way with my dad. You can't be blamed for that.
Just don't think that those are why you're leaving. You are leaving to be with CJ, who you are in love with and will continue to be in love with, and who is in love with you and will continue to be in love with you. :)
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