I get knocked down...

yes, yes, i know, its a song about communism...but it was sold to the mindless masses as a drinking song, so there. and speaking of drinking...that's been my main activity lately...lots and lots of drinking...friday night, saturday night and yes, even tuesday night i managed to get myself closer and closer to personal oblivion...all because they sell beer at grocery stores. next to the ice cream. the bastards. in addition to killing my liver and my brain and my kidneys too, i am also killing my heart by getting, i kid you not, fatter. as we speak, i am investigating the slim in 6 program, the ab lounge, and aa. thats my story...i'll add a picture too!

Everyone I have ever loved...

Is married, gay, or dead...not totally true...but i have a common straight girl lament...why are all the hot boys gay? its just not fair...I love CJ, don't get me wrong, but whenever i see a pretty boy with a nice smile, good hair, and good musculature, i have to sigh sadly because i know in my heart that he's prolly gay...its a sad thing...but i've found out some pretty awful things about growing up gay down here...a friend of CJ's couldn't come out while he was in high school because they would have expelled him...i remember being outraged in my high school just because they couldn't bring their dates to prom...(ps no worries...the fag hags helped them get around that)...it;s really just not that accepted down here, which seems so unfair...my friend, X, came out to me one of my first nights here, but we can't talk about it in front of his other friends because he could lose his job and such...(one of his friends parental figure is his boss)... so this is a sucky revelation to me...i love my gays, and to see them have to be silent bothers me...

I don't know what to title this entry because I don't know what's going on...I feel like a spectator to my own life right now...I know I should be concerned about the job thing, ie not having one, but i just don't care. at all. I don't really have anything to say at all either...I feel a little blank...